All About God

God will be heavily involved in the book I write… My imagination tells me that it will be about a believer turned atheist, and the long but meaningful track back to believing. People will cry. People will think, long and hard. People will be enthralled and enraptured within the book I write and they won’t be able to sleep for hours  because of how powerful it will be. They’ll think about it for days and it will be their favorite book.

it will be made into a movie.

i will make a lot of money through the book but so much more importantly I will touch so many lives.

i will be respected and revered and will write more books that are awesome. Perhaps not as powerful, but certainly thought provoking… Till my last book which will be even more powerful than the first.

just putting it out there so that when it happens, you won’t be shocked.


deep thought

is there anything more conducive to penetrating thoughts than an early nightfall followed by a chilly night? (Perhaps an inquisitive mind with a lost predisposition is taken for granted.)

Want to Write

I have been wanting to write for a while.  I think I’m going to just start typing.  Whats interesting is that I read my thoughts and sometimes I’m like DAMN, I’m SMART.  I came up with that?

I wonder if others feel the same way.

I know I have a high IQ (typically test in the 150 range), but that doesnt necessarily mean that I convey my thoughts well. I typically feel the writing of many “popular” writers is crap. So do others feel that way about my writing?

Say Something I’m Giving up on You

The following question was once posed to me:  “What’s Happening Now?”

And my answer was:  What isn’t happening now.  Now is all that is.  Now is all that ever will be.

The cessation of my now is by far my greatest fear.

What are YOU doing with YOUR now?

Where to draw the line

In my quest for truth, I cant ignore the fact that, objectively, Gd appears to be a figment of our imaginations.  So many religions have existed throughout human existence, all in complete contradiction with one another, but with one common purpose: To answer where we came from, and where we should be going.

So, there are three possibilities here:

  1. None of them have any element of truth.
  2. One of them is true.
  3. All of them were meant to be as they are by Gd.
I’ll be the first to admit that option #3 has no rational foundation, as they all appear to contradict each other.  And how could Gd contradict Himself?
But given my current mental state, I like to think it has just as much chance at being true as #1. Why?  Because it’s clear that all serve as a mechanism to transcend typical earthly interactions.  Whether we are connecting to something bigger than us, or just to ourselves on a different level, we cannot say with certainty.  And though reason would lead us to believe it is the latter, emotionally I can see how it could be the former.
And being that Im dealing with the popular mind/heart dichotomy, who’s to say that my emotions are less important than my reason on a personal level?  I know it sounds silly upon initial examination, and wouldnt hold up in a court of law…  But again, on a personal level, what is more important?  That can be argued on a rational basis. Additional clarification: on an interpersonal level, I believe we must value reason and logic over emotions for obvious reasons, most importantly, to preserve the life and rights of all.
So, which is more important on a personal level? Emotions or Reason?
I guess this comes down to what your goal in life is. If your goal in life is to be as happy as possible, then obviously your emotions are more important.  If reason brought you to sadness, then given your goal, you should discard reason. But if your goal is to be as knowledgeable as possible, then reason would be more important. If certain knowledge brought you sadness, you certainly wouldnt stop seeking knowledge, as that was your goal.
Some people might argue that emotions are more important only in matters of the heart… Like when choosing a mate.  Without the feeling of “love” how can one get married? In this case, its clear that as humans we value emotion more than reason–as many people will get married if they feel love, even if it doesnt rationally seem like a good match, whereas choose NOT to get married if everything seems good on paper, but there is no love.  Whether or not this is to our detriment can be argued as well.

Journal Entry, July 2001

I went to sleep last night imagining life was a video game. I wondered when it would end. I imagined there was just one goal I had to reach, and once I reached it, the game would be over. The goal wasnt to climb some mountain, or to rescue some girl, but it was to have some sort of realization. The realization of what is Real and True in this world. The instant the realization would come to me, the whole facade (which is this world) would fall down like white drapery in the wind and I would be in a place where I knew I would meet My Maker. The Maker. Game Over.

August 2001:
Ive thought about the video game above alot recently, and what Ive noticed is that it always ends on a good note… BUT, what if I dont get The Realization? What if, instead of accomplishing my goal, I plunge into the depths of some Super-mario endless pit? Is such a scenario even possible? Hmmm, never thought of it that way…

–But then again, wouldnt it be cool to know what happens after death? I figure dying will answer every important question Ive ever had in this world. I cant fathom a situation where nothing happens. My existence, essence, being, completely ceasing?? Wow. If there is a G-d, that must be impossible. If there is a G-d, even if nothing else of me exists after I die, at least His memory of me will exist, right? Wouldnt that at least provide me (my soul, I guess) with some sort of consciousness after I die? Only time will tell, but..

Meditation on Intelligence

Statement 1: The sole usefullness (yes, there is one) of intelligence is to attain knowledge.
Statement 2: The fact that we are intelligent, implies that we lack knowledge.
Statement 3: Without a foundation, the house falls down in the wind. With a poor foundation, the house falls down in a storm. With a good foundation the house falls down in an earthquake. With the best foundation, the house will stand up to everything the earth (and all it contains) has to offer.

Meditation on 1: Does a man work out a problem in order to get the answer?
Meditation on 2: If he already knew the answer, and understood how to get it, would he need his intelligence?
Meditation on 3: Does your way of life have a foundation? How does it hold up when it goes against the earth?