Journal Entry, July 2001

I went to sleep last night imagining life was a video game. I wondered when it would end. I imagined there was just one goal I had to reach, and once I reached it, the game would be over. The goal wasnt to climb some mountain, or to rescue some girl, but it was to have some sort of realization. The realization of what is Real and True in this world. The instant the realization would come to me, the whole facade (which is this world) would fall down like white drapery in the wind and I would be in a place where I knew I would meet My Maker. The Maker. Game Over.

August 2001:
Ive thought about the video game above alot recently, and what Ive noticed is that it always ends on a good note… BUT, what if I dont get The Realization? What if, instead of accomplishing my goal, I plunge into the depths of some Super-mario endless pit? Is such a scenario even possible? Hmmm, never thought of it that way…

–But then again, wouldnt it be cool to know what happens after death? I figure dying will answer every important question Ive ever had in this world. I cant fathom a situation where nothing happens. My existence, essence, being, completely ceasing?? Wow. If there is a G-d, that must be impossible. If there is a G-d, even if nothing else of me exists after I die, at least His memory of me will exist, right? Wouldnt that at least provide me (my soul, I guess) with some sort of consciousness after I die? Only time will tell, but..